In late summer this year, I started working with a new client (a referral) on an ad hoc project. We had a great discovery call — it felt good, honest and open. We’d planned to move onto a monthly retainer: 40 hours a month set aside, an associate lined up to share the work, everything mapped out. Then, without warning, the messages stopped. No reply to emails. No response to a call. Just… silence.
It’s a strange thing, being ghosted in business. It’s not dramatic or noisy, just a slow, confusing quiet that leaves you wondering what happened. I kept checking my inbox for a reply that never came. The practical impact was inconvenient — I’d ringfenced time and (human) resources — but it was the emotional impact that really took me by surprise.
When communication is cut off like that, your brain scrambles to make sense of it. You replay conversations, scan for red flags, and start to wonder if you misread everything. It chips at your confidence. For me, it happened at a time when other challenges were bubbling up in both my business and personal life, and the silence became heavier than it should have been. It dented my mood and, if I’m honest, it knocked my professional confidence.
Awake early one day this week, I found myself pondering the question: why do people ghost?
In most cases, ghosting isn’t done out of cruelty. It’s usually avoidance. Someone doesn’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation — to say “I’ve changed my mind,” “I can’t afford it,” or “This isn’t the right fit after all.” Sometimes people are simply overwhelmed and don’t know how to communicate that. Others struggle with boundaries or feel awkward about closing a loop they’d rather pretend doesn’t exist.
It’s human behaviour, but it’s not harmless. Ghosting leaves the other person hanging — in uncertainty, frustration, and sometimes self-doubt. It’s a breakdown of professional courtesy, and over time, it can chip away at trust and confidence on both sides of the relationship.
Owning My Part In It
I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of ghosting too — maybe not in such an obvious way, but enough to recognise the pattern. I’ve delayed replying to an email because I didn’t know what to say, or avoided following up with someone because I didn’t want to disappoint them. It’s easy to tell yourself you’ll reply later, and then “later” quietly becomes never.
None of us are perfect communicators. Sometimes life gets busy, or we fear a reaction we can’t control. But recognising those moments in ourselves is what helps us grow out of them. It makes us more understanding when it happens to us, and more intentional about how we communicate going forward.
The Psychological Impact of Silence
Being ghosted hits differently when you’re self-employed. In a traditional job, you might moan about an unresponsive colleague and move on. But when you run your own business, relationships can feel more personal. They’re built on trust, reliability, and communication — so when a new and growing relationship suddenly stops for no obvious reason, it’s going to feel personal too.
There’s also the practical fallout. For me, I’d blocked out client hours that went unused and had brought an associate in to share the workload. That has financial implications as well as emotional ones. But it’s the emotional side that lingers longer. You start to second-guess your approach, your tone, your decisions. It’s like being stuck in a conversation that ended mid-sentence.
Our brains crave closure. When we don’t get it, we fill in the blanks ourselves — and those blanks often sound like, “You did something wrong.” The reality, though, is usually far less dramatic: someone else’s overwhelm, avoidance, or a change in priorities.
How to Avoid Becoming a Ghoster
We can’t control how others behave, but we can choose how we handle our own communication. Avoiding ghosting is less about perfection and more about small, deliberate habits.
Be clear from the start. If something isn’t working, say so. It’s kinder to close the loop than to leave someone guessing. Let’s face it — in most other situations, we’d say so, wouldn’t we?
Send short, polite closure messages. A simple “Thanks for your time, but I’ve decided to go in another direction” is professional and appreciated.
If you owe a reply but need time, send a holding note — “I’ve seen your message, and I’ll get back to you next week.” It takes seconds but saves a lot of confusion (and make sure you carry through on that promise).
Set communication expectations upfront. In contracts, onboarding, or client agreements, be clear about how and when you’ll be in touch.
These small steps build trust and protect your reputation. The more you practise them, the less likely you are to ghost by accident.
That experience this summer taught me something valuable. It reminded me that silence doesn’t always mean rejection or failure — it often reflects what’s going on in someone else’s world, not mine. Still, it reinforced my commitment to communicate clearly, even when it’s uncomfortable.
We all have moments where we go quiet. But in business, silence speaks volumes. Professional courtesy costs nothing, yet its absence can cost confidence, credibility, and peace of mind. If we want to build sustainable, respectful working relationships, we have to value closure as much as connection.
Because at the end of the day, communication isn’t just about words — it’s about respect.
And respect is what keeps business relationships human.
